Published June 3 , 2005
What makes teens vulnerable
Adolescence is a time of change and growing independence. Teenagers need opportunities to practice decision-making. They need to experience managing their own time, money and relationships.
Adolescents also have strong emotional needs. Teenagers look for affection and affirmation from people other than their parents. These are all natural, healthy changes that are part of growing up and reaching out beyond the family.
Communication patterns also change in adolescence. It is common for young adults to communicate extensively with peers — sometimes at the expense of communicating with parents.
They turn to trusted adults, especially in times when they are in conflict with parents. It is important that they have adults to talk with.
However, sexual predators can take advantage of this need for affection and communication. They gradually cross the line between friendship and inappropriate sexual advances, grooming the teen for future sexual contact.
The predator is canny about scaring off the teenager with a too-aggressive approach. Predators slowly manipulate the teen’s emotions. They frequently offer drugs or alcohol under the guise of "stress relief." In reality, they are lowering the teen’s inhibitions and ability to fend off advances.
How do we counsel our children about these dangers?
• Teach them that their body is their own to control and that no one who truly cares about them will violate their personal boundaries.
• Help them understand that perpetrators will try to make them feel more mature and important by emphasizing that they are having an "adult" relationship. Flattery is a powerful tool in the hands of an abuser.
• Discuss healthy ways to satisfy the need for maturity and attention.
• Because it is illegal for an adult to have a sexual relationship with a person who is underage, the perpetrator will always encourage secrecy. Secrets that damage a person need not be kept.
• If the teen is uncomfortable with what is going on, the secret is unhealthy and needs to be told to a trusted adult.
What should an adolescent do if an adult makes a sexual approach toward them?
• Tell them in a strong voice to stop.
• Leave immediately.
• Tell a trusted adult and the police what happened.
• Know that the situation is never the teen’s fault. The predatory adult is always the one in the wrong and needs to be stopped before there are more victims.