Published March 11, 2005
Discuss situations of being left alone
The decision to leave a child home or anywhere else alone is a critical one.
Age is not the sole determining factor in making this decision. Of course, preschool children and early elementary-age children should not be left alone.
But how can a parent prepare for the inevitable day when the child wants more independence?
One way to assess a child’s maturity is to ask "what if" questions. In the book "Raising Careful, Confident Kids in a Crazy World," author Paula Statman suggests a type of discussion that can help both parent and child.
The questions are phrased: What would you do if … :
• I was late picking you up?
• you were waiting for the school bus and it didn’t come?
• someone came to the door with a big box and said that it was a present for you?
• a fire broke out in the house?
• your friend wanted to take "a shortcut" instead of walking the usual way home from school?
• you got separated from me in a crowd?
Think of examples that fit your particular situation. Then ask the child a "what if" question and discuss alternative courses of action.
For example, if the child says that if you were late picking her up she would continue to wait for you outside the school alone it would be a good idea to discuss other alternatives.
A parent might say, "Could you go back into school and ask to use a phone?" Or, "Do you think it’s a good idea to keep waiting outside?" Or, "What if the temperature is below zero?"
Discussing with a child and brainstorming various scenarios in a calm and pleasant conversation can build skills that will be necessary for coping with the stresses of staying alone. It can also build a child’s esteem and confidence.